Know Your teenager's dating and sexual behaviour

During their children’s teenage years,
parents have less input into dating and
sexual behaviour than any other area.
Unknowingly, they set up roadblocks so
that their teenagers find these two
important areas the most difficult to
discuss with their parents.
Dating and sexual behaviour are two
subjects of great importance among
young adults, but only a few parents are
aware of their adolescent’s behaviour or
standards.
And for good reason! Parents are well
equipped with great intentions but faulty
methods! By declining to talk about the
topic, they hope to discourage early
dating.
Later, when they can no longer ignore the
subject, they become dictatorial and
domineering regarding curfews and
activities that may or may not be engaged
in.
They also frequently make embarrassing
comments about their teenager’s love
relationships, forcing them to hide as
much as possible in order to spare
themselves from ridicule.
Overreaction
There is a better way. Even during the
early teen years, dating standards should
be a frequent topic at family discussions.
Youngsters should feel free to make a
statement and ask any question, as
shocking or adverse as it might be.
Parents should avoid responding with
lectures, put-downs, or any form of
retribution.
Remember also that during these
sessions, your child is learning and
growing. Your perspectives may differ.
She may overstate her views in an effort
to meet your objections or break away
from your values. An overreaction from
you may ensure she attempts the very
things you more or less forced her into
defending. It may also make her steer
clear of the subject.
Dating agreement
However, under patient and consistent
guidance and open acceptance, her values
will gradually emerge.
After having paved the way through such
discussion, you may wish to come to a
dating agreement. In a dating agreement,
issues such as dating age, number of dates
permitted per week, curfews, purpose of
dating, blind dates, and so on, are
negotiated before the teenager enters
the dating game. You will have to solicit
as many suggestions as possible from
your teenager as you draw up the
agreement. Discussion and negotiation
then have a solid footing.
Even more difficult to discuss but just as
necessary is the topic of sexual behaviour.
Parents often close the door to the
discussion by being arbitrary.
Overreaction only forces the teenager to
defend her or her beliefs or to ‘go
underground.’
Startling revelations
Many parents will be shocked at how free
young people are today when it comes to
expressing physical affection. Be ready for
some startling revelations and be
prepared to give information in a non-
judgmental manner.
‘Letting go’ is probably the most difficult
parental duty during the teen years.
Parents find it overwhelmingly difficult to
think of their teenager functioning
independently in today’s world. They’re
aware of the dangers ahead such as
premarital sex. They, therefore, become
overzealous and try to force their
teenager to make ‘right’ decisions.
We have only 18 to 20 years with a child
to instill proper values. Then comes the
time when we must maintain a hands-off
policy regardless of how difficult it might
be to watch them make mistakes that will
affect their future.
Your child’s chances for making right
decisions are better when she doesn’t
have to fight you in order to maintain her
adulthood and in independence.
Standard

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