Moving on after infidelity

Infidelity is one of the worst experiences
in a relationship. It evokes a volcano of
emotions: Shock, rage, hurt, devastation,
disillusionment and intense sadness. The
breach of trust is devastating for a partner
and results in distrust towards the
offending partner. For the offended
partner, dealing with infidelity can seem
insurmountable and one suffers
emotional and sometimes physical
effects, like Gregory discovered:
“My wife was a virgin when I married her
and although I was not, I valued her so
much for saving herself for me. However,
when I recently discovered she was
having an affair, I was devastated,
enraged and humiliated. I wanted to die
and then I thought it best to kill her
together with her lover. I, however,
finally resolved she was not worth it. I
have hit rock bottom and no matter how
much I try to put this saga behind me, I
continue to see images of her and her
lover making out in my sleep.
I have difficulty sleeping or even eating, I
have lost so much weight I cannot seem
to think about anything else. This state of
affairs has totally consumed me.”
Like Gregory, many people suffer
emotional and physical trauma after
discovering their partner’s infidelity.
Although infidelity is devastating, there is
hope for the relationship.
Here are some tips:
• Evaluate your commitment to the
relationship and decide to work on it. You
have invested too much to let go.
Walking away may seem the best option
at the time, but it is worth giving your
relationship another chance.
• Maintaining accountability, honesty and
transparency will bring healing faster. To
avoid suspicion, the channels of
communication should remain open. Set
scheduled dates for reviews.
• Erase the images of the scene playing in
your mind by keeping busy and avoid
talking about your pain with friends and
relatives. Learn a new skill and travel if
an opportunity arises. Exercise positive
thinking regardless of the challenge and
avoid any extremes in word and dead.
When the mind is flooded with the
thoughts, train yourself to make a
conscious decision not to allow the replay
and by all means avoid pity parties.
• Do not continue to discuss details of the
affair with your partner. Once you have
talked them through and apologies given,
acknowledge that the worst has
happened and no explanation from: If I
were the offending party, how would I
want my partner to treat me? That will
keep you sober.
• Rebuild your self-esteem by taking
personal care and rebranding yourself.
Make extra effort to look good, and read
motivational and inspirational materials.
• If overwhelmed, seek the counsel of a
professional or the clergy. Whatever you
do, leave parents out of it because it will
be difficult for them to know how to treat
the offending partner.
• Set ground rules and fresh boundaries
and talk about each other’s expectations.
Have weekly meetings to evaluate and
monthly as time goes on.
• It takes time, sometimes up to two
years, to heal from infidelity. Be gentle
on yourself.
• Restore the emotional connection and
engage in all levels of intimacy —
emotional, intellectual, spiritual, physical
and recreational. Under no circumstances
should you encourage a long separation
because it is not helpful.
• Do not try to justify the action; neither
should you blame yourself as the
offended partner. Look into rebuilding a
relationship that will last the test of time
and avoid any contact with the lover, as it
will not only revive the relationship but
will destroy trust and subsequently the
relationship, if caught. Whatever your
situation remember nothing is impossible
with God.
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ndarasero wa kaviaro
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really disgusting for the victim
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Moving on after
infidelity
Infidelity is one of the
worst experiences in a
relationship. It evokes a
volcano of emotions:
Shock, rage, hurt,
devastation,
disillusionment and intense sadness. The
breach of trust is devastating for a partner
and results in distrust towards the
offending partner.
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